It was quite strange standing in an empty clean house. It was like we had never even been there..but if i looked closer signs of us were still there. A drawing on the back of a door that charlee did as a baby. A sticker above a light switch that has been there for years. Scratches and marks on the already worn floor where i had rearranged furniture too many times to mention.
Being there alone after it had been cleaned was hard. I had to pick up a few last things so i took my camera down to take some shots of the empty rooms for the landlord to use as advertising. Once i started though i couldn't stop. I felt possessed to take photos of everything around me. Every little detail so i wouldn't forget anything. It was really hard to stop and walk out. To close the door.
That house has been "ours" for almost eight years. Koby was just past one when we moved in. Charlee spent her whole life up until now there. Noah came home to this house from the hospital. They had drawn on the walls, spilt drinks, thrown tantrums, asked for food, bathed, slept, played, broken things, had birthdays, christmas's, easters, had screamed and slammed doors, toilet trained, moved from cots to beds, sang, had colds, had friends over.
Their whole lives contained in those walls.
It made me sad that i would never go back. I was reluctant to leave. I hovered around for longer than i needed to. I finally had to force myself to go. To walk out and shut the door behind me knowing we would never go back in.
But as sad as i am now, i know that i have made the right decision. We needed to start a new chapter and break away from the past. We will always have the memories and thousands of photos (yes..thousands) to remind us. And now i can move on.